


Put Your Head On My Shoulder

by sunnyangel (orphan_account)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Friends, Growing Up, High School, M/M, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:01:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,258
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25282774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sunnyangel
Summary: Jaemin has always been known for his flowery words and soft smiles. Jeno knows well enough to not be deceived by them.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin, Mark Lee/Na Jaemin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Put Your Head On My Shoulder

Jeno and Jaemin wouldn’t be friends if their parents weren’t. Or atleast that’s what Jaemin would always say whenever Jeno would annoy the hell out of him. He likes it, though. It gives him a sense of pride knowing he’s been around Jeno the longest and knows him the best, from every fibre of his being.

Even back then, Jaemin always had his way with words. As a child, he would tell people that they look lovely in their smile or that their neighbor’s cooking is just as delicious and tasty as his mom’s. Sometimes, he would even go out of his way to pick wild flowers from their backyard and give it out to the kids he gets to play with at the park. He was a bright, young kid with lots of love under his sleeves, and he’s not shy to share it to everyone he meets.

When they were a bit younger, Jeno would grimace whenever Jaemin would tell him how his smile completes his day, or how his eyes are as pretty as the flowers in their living room.

“You’re weird,” Jeno would tell him, his face all scrunched up.

Jaemin would giggle at him. Still, that didn’t stop him from showering everyone with fancy words and endless compliments every single day. Perhaps, he really was born to be a heartbreaker.

“You look pretty today!” Jaemin exclaimed one day, when the both of them got to attend a wedding.

They wore suits that were a bit larger than them yet still fit enough to not hang loosely around their limbs and shoulders. Jeno was the ring-bearer that time while Jaemin was a flower boy. It was delightful for the latter, seeing how much he loved the attention he got as he strutted down the carpet, while Jeno, being his usual self, timidly smiled while holding the pillow that contained the wedding rings.

“You always say that,” Jeno pouted.

“Because you always look pretty!” Jaemin grinned.

That day, on their way home after the ceremony, Jaemin told Jeno, “When we get married, you’ll be much prettier than the bride!”

Jeno ignored him and kept on munching on his pop tart, not minding his blabbering bestfriend.

They were inseparable, to say the least. From kindergarten they were already attached at the hip. Wherever Jeno goes, Jaemin is there, sometimes beside him, most of the time, flirting with other people. They were like magnets. Opposite poles that attract each other, just like how Jeno’s reserved demeanor compliments Jaemin’s extroverted personality.

Puberty, though, was when things started to get a bit weirder. Jaemin was the first one to notice the changes. After all, his voice was the first one to get deeper while Jeno’s remained a bit squeaky until they reached 8th grade.

“You got taller,” Jaemin one day noted when they were eating under a huge oak tree at a soccer field.

“Really?” Jeno glanced at his body. “I don’t really notice it.

“We’re almost the same height now,” Jaemin continued to munch on his sandwich. “I wonder if we’ll be the same.”

Turns out, they did have the same height. After 8th grade, Jaemin went to spend his vacation at his grandmother house. Before he had left, Jeno was a couple inches shorter than him, which is delightful for him of course. It gives him a reason to rest his chin on top of Jeno’s head whenever they hug before parting away from each other, but when 9th grade rolled around, and their very first time of being high school freshmen arrived, things were a bit different than the usual. Suddenly, Jeno stood as tall as his friend.

“You got taller!” Jaemin pointed at him. “We’re the same height now!”

Jeno scrunched his nose. “Your voice got deeper again, too.”

“What?” Jaemin looked at him like he was some kind of alien. “No, it didn’t.”

“Yes, it did.”

Jaemin shook his head at him. There was one noticeable change Jeno had, but Jaemin refrained himself from saying it out loud, which was a bit unlikely of him, considering the fact that he is known for having his way with words.

Jeno looked different, but a good kind of different. He wasn’t the lanky boy Jaemin had grown up with, but a much more different version.

“Hey, Jeno!” A classmate of theirs called out that same day. “You look good today.”

“Thanks,” Jeno cracked a smile.

Jaemin bit his lower lip and gripped his phone under the table. He’d been waiting the whole day to say it out loud! He should be the first one to say that!

“You never say thank you to me.” Jaemin bit his lower lip.

Jeno turned to him. “What?”

“When I compliment you? You never say thank you.”

Jeno chuckled and shook his head.

When they were in 10th grade, already into their second year of high school, Jaemin got accepted into their school’s soccer team. It was also the same year Jeno started wearing eye glasses because, unfortunately, his eyes just can’t seem to do anything but see.

Sadly for the both of them, it was also the same year when things started to get a little rough for the both of them. At first, Jaemin would always miss a couple of their movie nights.

“Sorry, Jen, I had practice. I’ll make it up to you next time!”

And he did make it up to him. During the first times, at least. Then, Jeno started to grow tired of just waiting and waiting, but Jaemin didn’t notice. He was too preoccupied with impressing his coach and his teammates. Most of the time, he would go home late in the night, alone, without even bothering to send a single text message, while Jeno, at first, waited outside their doorstep to see him for the last time, but eventually decided to stay inside his room and wait for Jaemin’s lights to turn on before he closes his.

One day, when both got out of school early, Jaemin approached Jeno with a small smile.

“Haven’t seen you around that much.”

Jeno furrowed his eyebrows at his friend’s words and gripped the strap of his bag. He noticed how Jaemin’s frame is now much larger than him despite having the same height. Probably because of all the playing he does.

“What?”

Jaemin chuckled and shook his head. “I haven’t seen you around that much.”

Huh.

“You’re the one to talk.”

Jaemin bit his lower lip. They didn’t talk again after that. Not even a single wave before the both of them went to go their separate ways.

Later that night, Jaemin waited for Jeno’s window to open for him. He waited for something, maybe even a call? Or a text? Still, to no avail, nothing arrived. Not even when Jeno’s lights dimmed into nothingness and all Jaemin could see from the other side is Jeno’s curtain gently swaying.

Friends drift apart, they say. It happens eventually to people, but why does it has to happen to Jaemin? He’s known Jeno since they were kids, their bond can’t be broken off that easily, right?

Wrong.

Jeno started to gain new friends, and Jaemin did, too. Slowly, as the end of 10th grade approached, a barrier was built in between the two of them, and when vacation arrived, Jeno already left for Japan even before Jaemin got to step on their lawn.

Without Jeno’s presence during the summer vacation, Jaemin started to go out more than the usual.

“What about you?” Mark asked Jaemin as he passed down another shot to him. Jaemin gladly took it and consumed it in one go, his face all scrunched up from the bitter taste. “Why haven’t you dated yet?”

“Why?” Jaemin chuckled, raising an eyebrow, evidently flirting. “You want to be the first?”

Some of their other friends lightly cheered for them, pushing and grinning at each other.

“Oh, I’m not up for it, Min. I got other things on my mind.”

“Like?”

Mark shrugged. He poured himself a drink while Jaemin bit his lower lip. Later that day, the both of them found themselves in an awkward silence, tension rising in between them as they were the only ones left behind.

“You know, you don’t seem to strike me as someone who hasn’t been in a relationship yet.” Mark said before taking a sip on his drink.

“Why?” Jaemin raised an eyebrow. Unknowingly, his index finger started to play with the rim of his glass.

Mark shifted on his seat and shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s just, you have your way with words. It’s kinda surprising you haven’t made anyone fall for you yet.”

“Maybe I just didn’t seem to notice,” Jaemin chuckled. “Why? Were you fooled the first time we met?”

“You told me I was breathtaking to look at when I was covered in sweat and mud, of course I’d be fooled! I even thought you had a crush on me or something.”

“What if I did?”

Mark furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

“What if I really did like you then? What would you do?”

Mark stared at Jaemin, his eyes wide, before letting out a nervous chuckle. “I... I don’t know.”

Jaemin let out a small smile. “I like you, Mark Lee.”

At first, Jaemin seemed fine with the idea of being with Mark. It’s not bad to try new things, after all, and Mark Lee seemed to be the perfect person. He’s kind, he’s smart, and he goes along with Jaemin just fine. It was also a change of environment. Something very unfamiliar with what he’s accustomed to, but still alright nonetheless.

After summer vacation, though, was when things got a little bit complicated.

The week before school started, Jeno arrived from Japan. He seemed to grow a few inches taller and his jet black hair also grew longer, now slightly covering his crescent eyes. He had this glow on his face, and maybe it had always been there, but it was the first time Jaemin noticed it, and he liked it to say the least.

“Jeno!” Mrs. Na went in to hug him, a big smile on her face. “We missed you!”

Jaemin stood frozen behind his mother. His mouth parted lightly at the familiar sight of his friend as they entered the threshold of their house. It was quite a warm and sunny day, yet Jaemin felt cold. Suddenly, he didn’t know what to do now that his childhood friend, who he hasn’t seen for two whole months, is standing once again in front of him.

“Hey,” Jeno timidly smiled at him.

Jaemin cleared his throat. “Hey...”

Jeno went in for a hug and Jaemin stiffly accepted his warmth. The latter wasn’t able to rest his chin on Jeno’s head anymore, and it was one of the little things that made his insides ache just a tiny bit.

Later that day, Jeno heard small clinks outside his window. He wasn’t sure what it was. When he lifted it open, he expected to see several birds flying by, or maybe drizzle coming from the sky. Instead, he saw Na Jaemin on their lawn, small rocks in his hands. The boy was already about to throw another one if he hadn’t seen Jeno stick out his head and squint at his familiar figure.

“Hey!” Jaemin waved both of his hands over his head. “Come down here!”

“Jaemin?”

“Yeah, it’s me!”

Jeno furrowed his eyebrows and went back inside his room, shutting down his window in the process. He quickly grabbed a sweatshirt and put it over his head before heading outside his room. He was already panting hard as he jogged downstairs, passing by their kitchen and throwing a quick ‘goodbye’ to his mother.

“I’m meeting Jaemin! Be back in a few!”

“Okay, sweetheart!”

When Jeno arrived, Jaemin had his head hung low while he kicked small rocks along the pavement. He had his hands inside the pockets of his sweatshirt, similar to the one Jeno’s currently wearing, and was thinking of a conversation starter. What was he going to say? Hi? Welcome back?

“Jaem?”

Jaemin turned. “Hey…”

Jeno raised an eyebrow and eyed the sweatshirt his friend is wearing. What a coincidence, huh?

“What’s this for?” He asked.

Jaemin shifted on his feet and scratched the back of his neck. Suddenly, coming here and talking to Jeno seemed like the worst idea he could have ever imagine, but he’s already here. Might as well just use the opportunity wisely.

“Uh,” Jaemin cleared his throat. “How are you?”

“Fine. You?”

“Fine, too.”

Silence passed. Behind Jeno, the sun was starting to set. Jaemin cursed internally, over and over again until he felt like his place in hell was already set and ready. He wanted to hit himself repeatedly on the head for being so stupid. Why is he suddenly being such a coward?

“If you’re not going to say anything, I’m going inside, okay?” Jeno smiled at him.

Jaemin’s eyes widened. “N-no! No, uhm…”

Jeno pursed his lips and waited.

“It’s just, uhm, I wanted to, uh, I wanted to say sorry…” Jaemin said the last words almost like a whisper.

“What?” Jeno’s forehead creased.

“I-I’m sorry,” Jaemin stammered. “I’m sorry.”

“For?”

“For being an asshole. For… For ditching you the whole year. It’s just that, I was busy with soccer and with my academics, and I didn’t know how to manage my time, and I know my excuse sounds like shit but I—I don’t know what happened, I just kind of lost track of everything and I didn’t even realize it until you left, and…”

Jaemin let out a heavy sigh. Jeno watched as his friend ran a hand through his hair, clearly exasperated at how their relationship is going. It was a year wasted without being with each other’s presence.

“Its fine, Jaem.” Jeno smiled.

Jaemin glanced at him. “R-really?”

“Yeah. Friends go through this, right?” Jeno shrugged. “It’s normal.”

Jaemin managed to crack a smile. Friends fall apart, but that doesn’t mean it has to happen to them.

Sadly, though, it had to happen to Jaemin and Mark.

A week into 11th grade, word spread like wildfire all around the campus. News had stated that Mark and Jaemin had already broken up after 2 months of dating, and things weren’t pretty. The two refused to say a word about it, both deciding to keep it to themselves rather than broadcasting it to everyone around them.

It was a mutual agreement between the two of them to end the relationship. Jaemin said it would just be better if they stayed as friends, but Mark knew otherwise. He likes Jaemin, but he wasn’t dumb to not notice how Jaemin acts around his bestfriend. Ever since the two have reconciled, Mark knew it wouldn’t be the same.

He wasn’t competing with Jaemin’s attention. No, he wasn’t competing at all, because every fibre in Jaemin’s body screamed Jeno, and he’s not dumb to not notice the signs.

Jaemin likes Jeno. That’s for sure.

But Mark held no grudges to the both of them. Maybe, it simply wasn’t meant to be.

“You’re an asshole,” Jeno told Jaemin for the nth time while the both of them walked home together. It was a good thing Jaemin didn’t have practice that day. “I thought you liked Mark? You told me you did!”

“I did! It’s just…” Jaemin sighed.

“It’s just?”

“I don’t know…”

Jeno rolled his eyes and adjusted his backpack. The two continued walking down the street, passing by an old convenience store, the one they used to always visit when they were younger. Jaemin lightly smiled at the memory of them buying multiple packs of Jawbreakers and Nerds.

“He’s your first relationship, right?”

“Hm?”

“Mark. He’s your first, right?”

Jaemin nodded. “Why?”

“Nothing,” Jeno shrugged. “They say firsts don’t last long.”

Jaemin hummed in agreement, but maybe it wasn’t solely because of that.

“You like Jeno. I could see it, Jaemin. I know when a person’s harboring romantic feelings towards another person, and I see it in you. Not towards me, but towards Jeno.”

Mark’s words rang inside Jaemin’s head over and over again until every word was embedded to his core. The idea sounds ridiculous, though. He can’t be liking Jeno! They’re friends, and clearly, friends don’t do that to each other, and he’s been around Jeno enough, more than enough, to know that everything is simply platonic between the two of them.

But the idea doesn’t sound as absurd as Jaemin makes it out to be. They say that some day, at some point in time, a person would inevitably fall for the person closest to them, and to Jaemin, unfortunately, that person is Jeno.

“Are we still up this Saturday?” Jeno asked as he flipped through his textbook.

Jaemin chewed on his sandwich, his eyes going from his phone screen to Jeno’s hunched figure. “Sure, as long as you’re free.”

“’Kay. Just text me what time so I know when I’ll wake up.”

Jeno started going through his book silently while Jaemin’s eyes remained on him. The school cafeteria buzzed, like a colony of bees doing their rounds, but all the noise got drowned in Jaemin’s ears as he stared at his best friend, Mark’s words ringing in his head once again.

You like Jeno.

Jaemin sighed and ran a hand through his hair. It can’t be.

If one thing cannot be stopped, Jaemin thought, then it’s best to just avoid it as much as possible. It was a weird logic, per se, but Jaemin thought it was a brilliant idea. Now that the thought of him liking Jeno became some sort of an unspoken topic to himself, he can’t help but feel strange whenever he’s around his friend.

“Hey,” Jeno nudged a dazed Jaemin one afternoon.

Jaemin jumped lightly on his spot, snapping back to reality. He turned to Jeno and felt his heart jump inside his chest. It was quite a delightful scene to see Na Jaemin stumble on his words in front of the person he’s most comfortable with. The boy known for his flowery words and breath hitching smile, now a stammering mess in front of someone very familiar.

“H-hey…”

“You don’t have practice today?”

He didn’t have any problem telling Jeno how his crescent shaped eyes light him up during his dark times when they were still younger. When the both of them would still play with plastic toys and clays, compliments would come out of his mouth like a breeze, like a warm knife slicing through butter. Now, he can’t even form coherent sentences. He must be going insane!

“Later…”

“Okay. I’ll go now, then. I’ll see you later?”

“Y-yeah…”

“Bye!”

Later that night, he laid in his bed, wide awake and unable to sleep, thinking of all the possibilities and probabilities there could be for him to develop any romantic feelings for Jeno. Maybe he just missed him after almost a whole year of ignoring each other. That could happen, right? Friends missing friends?

But it wasn’t just that. Jeno isn’t just a friend, and even from the start, when Jaemin could already distinguish a difference between liking someone as a friend and as a person, he already knew Jeno somehow fell in between, maybe even more on the latter side. Perhaps, he always knew his compliments towards Jeno were never the same with others. Maybe, just maybe, they had always been what he wanted to say to him.

“Ah, you’re crazy,” Jaemin whispered to himself before closing his eyes, slowly falling asleep with one significant person in his mind.

Weeks passed, and months went by in a breeze. Still, Jaemin remained on the same page. Jeno, on the other hand, became one of their school’s journalist and was sent into different parts of their region to compete, which was a proud moment for Jaemin, too.

“Congrats! I knew you could do it!”

But that meant lesser time to be spent with each other. Jaemin already experienced the feeling of solitude, when him and Jeno spent some time apart during 10th grade, but that was because of a whole different scenario, and not being able to be with Jeno now made his heart ache just a bit more.

He waited, though, despite the delays. He waited because he knew at the end of the day Jeno would always come back to him, just as he does.

“I’m telling him.” Jaemin said one day while having lunch with Mark and Donghyuck.

Mark choked on his food. After a month of avoiding each other, Jaemin had decided to have closure with Mark and say his apologies to him. After all, he can’t avoid Mark forever, especially when the both of them are in the soccer team.

“Are you sure?” Donghyuck asked while he handed a bottle of water to Mark. These past few weeks, the both of them seemed to be awfully closer than usual.

Jaemin nodded. “I have to shoot my shot, you know?”

Donghyuck cringed at him.

“What? Isn’t that how the saying goes?”

“Are you sure about this?” Mark asked after chugging down the water. “What if he rejects you?”

“I… haven’t gotten to that part yet.”

Mark sighed and shook his head. After a very stressful week, the three of them trying to think of something, the day has finally come.

Jeno was beaming when he arrived at school. Jaemin kind of expected him to have bags hanging under his eyes and framing his sunken face but the “bloody” competition that had taken place seemed to do nothing on Jeno. Instead, he looked more youthful and radiant.

“Hey!” Jaemin greeted Jeno by the school’s gate. A few inches from them stood Mark and Donghyuck, slightly hiding behind the bushes and shamelessly eavesdropping to the conversation taking place.

“Hey! I have something to tell you!” Jeno beamed.

“Me too,” Jaemin smiled. “You first?”

Jeno nodded. Then, he glanced behind him and gestured for someone to come over. Jaemin watched as Huang Renjun, the head of the Student Council and also one of the school’s journalists, walked over to them with a shy smile plastered on his lips.

“This is Renjun,” Jeno introduced. Jaemin’s eyes watched as Jeno linked his arm with Renjun’s, a rosy tint gracing the slightest of their cheeks. “My boyfriend.”

Jaemin hadn’t realize the power of words until that moment.

Perhaps, pain as a whole is like the burning of written words. Watching the hastily scribbled letters slowly disappear into oblivion, the only document there could be of one’s feelings towards another, the writings of history, or the simple greetings every mornings, slowly turning into ashes, felt just as devastating as watching a person go.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Suddenly, the weekly movie marathons turned into once every month, sometimes none at all. The Saturday dates came by as often as snow during the summer. Jeno and Jaemin became Jeno and Renjun, and Jeno and Jaemin solely became Jaemin.

They say friends don’t fall in love with each other, and it is true. Friends don’t fall for each other. It only happens one-sided. An unrequited love.

“Congratulations!”

Jaemin watched as Renjun and Jeno hugged. Finally, their senior year had ended. Things had changed drastically over the period of time, but Jaemin still found himself stuck on the same page, refusing to flip the page over, still hoping for something. A miracle of some sort.

Behind him, Donghyuck and Mark appeared. Mark had already graduated the previous year but he came by to congratulate both of his friends.

“Hey,” Jaemin greeted them. “Congrats!” He told Donghyuck.

“Same to you.” Donghyuck smiled. “So, college?”

Jaemin groaned and rolled his eyes. “Don’t even get me started on that.”

Mark chuckled at the both of them. “You know, SNU’s always a good choice.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Jaemin pursed his lips.

“Speaking of good choices,” Donghyuck glanced behind Jaemin’s back. “Here comes Jeno.”

Jaemin’s eyes widened and immediately turned to see his best friend. Jeno held a boquet in his hand, a bright smile resting on his lips.

“Congratulations, Jaem!” Jeno went in for a hug.

Jaemin sighed and closed his eyes. “I’m proud of you, Jen.”

Jeno pulled away. For the first time in a while, Jaemin had the chance to take a good look at Jeno’s face once again. It was still a wonderful sight for him.

“So, this is it, huh?” Jeno chuckled. “Where are you planning to go?”

“Hm, I’m still thinking about it, but SNU’s the easiest choice as of now.”

“Oh, I wish I could go with you, Jaem, but Renjun and I already decided about it. Promise me we’ll still see each other, though?”

Jaemin timidly smiled at him. “Of course,” he whispered.

Jeno smiled. There was a feeling of nostalgia passing by the both of them.

“Before you go,” Jaemin took a deep breath, tears brimming at the corners of his eyes. “I just want to say that I love you. I always have, Jeno. And I always will, until the end of time.”

Jaemin had always been known for his flowery words and breathtaking smile. Jeno, though, knows well enough not to be deceived by them.

“I love you, too, Jaem. Thank you.”

Jeno went in for another hug. Jaemin closed his eyes and let the tears fall as he felt a pair of familiar arms wrap around him. For the last time, he rested his chin on Jeno’s shoulder, instead.


End file.
